zippers are such a cool invention
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
