Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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