Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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