My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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