I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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