i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Houston, we have a blender
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
