Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
