btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
