I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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