mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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