I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
