Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
