I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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