I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
