My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
