Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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