I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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