Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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