I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
