you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
