Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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