FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
