i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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