i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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