i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
