Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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