We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
