ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
