is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
