you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
