It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
