she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
