So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
