the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
