I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
