i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
