it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
