I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Mom said you looked used
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
