so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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