only if we run a train.
done.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
