Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
