i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
