you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
