Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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