it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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