i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
