I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You ate ashes out of my bong
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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