I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
