One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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