The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
